Health and Needs Update

It has been a little while since I have updated this site. It has been a really rough couple months and I have been pretty down physically. It is really hard to describe what it feels like when things get bad like I’ve been experiencing, because it’s not as simple as “I don’t feel well”; my sense of reality gets really screwed and I don’t feel myself at all. A lot of what makes me “me” sort of falls away. I think it might be brain inflammation because I know that I get brain inflammation when the rest of my body is inflamed. I have been doing my best to fight through it, but it’s been rough.

The great news is I have felt a shift in my body for the better the last several days. This is another thing I can’t quite describe because it’s nothing I’m doing differently, it’s just a shift that feels as if someone has been pinning you against the ground and then finally lets you up. 
The main reason I started this page (Youcaring)  is because I’ve been struggling financially due to being unable to work full time and having expenses and bills that are beyond me. I still have a lot of needs, but I am hopeful that I will be able to start doing more soon. 

You caring link
#lyme #therapydog #youcaring #gofundme

End Of Another Year

I am trying to decide the feel and flavor of what to write. I am writing this now on my phone in a sun-filled medical facility with an IV in my right arm.Being that it is the day before the last day of the year I suppose sort of an overview of this year might be good, including praises and difficulties and dusty moldy dreams for he future.

Job and Income.

This last year of 2015 has been an equal mix of blessing and difficulty with being able to go part-time in January at my last job. It was a huge blessing because physically I just couldn’t take the schedule anymore and it felt like being caught in a riptide with constantly expelling energy with no rest. My social life suffered greatly in the last decade with me putting 100% of myself into just working and getting by and having nothing left for anything or anyone. This just wasn’t living.

So I have been immensely blessed to have had a year of restored balance, one that had become foreign to me. However along with that my financial situation deteriorated and I have gotten into a difficult place.

    Interestingly enough losing my job in November was also a huge blessing because of things go on in my work situation that added a lot of stress. Also the super early mornings were draining.  I can’t quite put it into words, but I feel like this event kick started me into another level of faith in God and being stripped of income brought me to a place where I felt “naked” before God, sort of pure, where it was just me and Him and it was something beautiful. He also used others to help me through this time financially as well and I haven’t been without despite the fact that I have had no paycheck since November.  

I am also awestruck how He brought me another job with a kind caring employer, the exact hours I need and a good environment. He aligned everything and all I had to do was trust.  The only thing is I am going from a year of financial difficulty into a new year that will be more meager as I am making significantly less hourly than I was at my last job. I don’t know how I will make it but I guess we never do.  Sometimes I just want to tell God “I have enough faith! No more please. Just stop with the faith already!” 😒


Also this year saw some huge ups and downs health-wise; I started the year not doing well and being brought down with a viral co-infection in my heart. I reached some really good points earlier in the year and was feeling pretty good, But then along came progesterone that put me (literally) on the floor with fatigue and I felt like I regressed a couple years with my health. Climbing back out of that took months, thankfully just in time for Disneyland (more on that in a minute). After the trip I dipped again for a bit starting a new biofilm protocol and mycoplasma blasters.

The last couple weeks I am feeling myself climb out again and I am really believing that I will be having some pretty fantastic days ahead. Anyone that knows our family knows medical expenses have been insane with all four of us in treatment. It has been about 300,000 so far, and monthly medical costs of prescriptions, supplements and treatments is far above and beyond our incomes. So we pray that this tapers off and God will provide.
Hopes and Dreams.

For some reason it is really hard to even say or type those two words sometimes; hopes and dreams. These last few days have also been terribly difficult emotionally; it is the time of year when you reflect on the fact that it is another year over, and you think about the hopes and dreams of the coming year. It can be very painful to come to this time every year and the hopes and dreams are always the same, forever elusive, dwelling in a seemingly unattainable future.

My dreams are I guess quite pedestrian and simple according to some, but for me they seem as grand as climbing Mount Everest. 

I just read a great blog post about speaking our dreams out loud and acknowledging them, and how scary that can be, but how good it is for your soul. So what are my big dreams? I want to be married and have a family and care for them, have my etsy business, be available to others for ministry, maybe write a book someday. I dream of having enough money and resources to help others with chronic illness get treatment and be ministered to.

Those are my big scary dreams. I guess with every year that goes by my dreams grow more mythic and seem less and less like they belong in the realm of my reality. 

And now folks for the best two words in the English language put in the correct order to instill hope in our hearts; “But God…..”

I have witnessed in my life and the lives of others what God can do unexpectedly and (mostly) when we just stop worrying, start trusting and walk in obedience no matter what.

God did bring a dream to fruition this summer when my sister and I got to go to Disneyland, something we had been talking about for years. It was through the kindness and great generosity of others that it was possible. 

I am also so blessed by the friends that God has brought into my life. More than just acquaintances I have people in my life that walk with me and I with them in genuine love. I was telling my one friend that the people I am closest to in my life have been very easy instantaneous friendships; in that upon meeting each of them for the first time it was like we had known each other always. It is like certain people can just be on your wavelength and you “get them” and they get you. One thing about this is that I have only experienced this within the Body Of Christ; it is beyond just friends but true brothers and sisters. 
So my dear friends this is but only a short glimpse into the last year and I am sure I am forgetting many things. 

But in short God is faithful always, even if it is not how we expect in our limited views. Please join me in prayer over this coming year that I may see more needs met, have more abundant joy, maybe even see fulfillment of some dreams and not be afraid to dream them.



On This Thanksgiving Eve

On this Thanksgiving Eve I find myself in more need than I was in even a couple days ago;test results that say I have a longer treatment protocol ahead, loss of a job that turned a small income into zero….

but that said, I find myself full of thanksgiving and gratefulness. 

I have the love and support of God-given friends that are blessing me in words, prayers and deeds. I am being exhorted and reminded where my treasures lie.

I am in a very sweet place with the Lord where things have been stripped away and I am left to see who I am in Him, the inward growth that I have attained, and in surrender and making myself available for whatever tasks He has for me to compete I have such peace.

I also recognize the sovereignty of El Elyon and that nothing happens outside of His plan and purpose. There is such peace in this! I am at the best place I can be by humbling myself and being available for what He has next.

a very Happy Thanksgiving
My Lyme Fund

A Very Happy Meh Day!

A very happy Meh Day!a good friend and fellow Lymie just asked how I would rate my day today. In the world of chronic illness this is a common practice to rate your sub-perfect day with 10 being the unattainable healthy and whole. This means for a Lymie achieving say an “8” is the equivalent to being Maria singing on the mountain top, because in contrast getting an 8 or even a 7 can feel pretty amazing when you dwell in the land south of 6 most of the time.

i told her maybe 4, and maybe in a few hours 5 could be possible. Pain today is not too bad but still there. Swelling/water retention is insane today, and I must make a special mental note to avoid any members of the Makah tribe. 

I slept in until 11:45 today which is a bit unusual but much needed. Pain that has you crying out to Jesus for hours completely wipes you out, and that is how I began my day yesterday. I had my very uncomfortable ultrasound at Evergreen last night so I am hoping for some answers to at least this little piece of the health puzzle.

i am so blessed by my doctor who is walking me through everything comprehensively and saw me right away yesterday when I was in crisis. The big bonus was to get a hug and some prayer. 

So today I choose to believe I WILL work my way off the 4 spot and maybe even play some hopscotch over to 6. Don’t stop believin’ 

Need a little help from my friends

Puff And Circumstance

Today is my first day back to work after my dream vacation (first one in 16 years) to Disneyland (will do a Disneyland post soon). I had decided I was going to be really strict and careful with my diet and packed a ton of food, like organic chicken and cooked broccoli and yams. The first couple days I did pretty well, but then you know….Disneyland.

First, we did not get back to the hotel for meals like I thought we would and just ended up being in the park a lot and even the snack food I did bring was not entirely practical, and one can’t survive in 90+ degree weather on dried fruit, zucchini chips and baby food.

I ended up having my first Jamba juice, several times….. Because of messed up schedule and lack of sleep I ended up having coffee a few times. I must admit ice cream happened a couple times and for a big cheat I had a Monte Cristo in Cafe Orleans for my sister’s birthday dinner. On our last day I also had some food at In and Out Burger because I had never been there before.

It was SO hard to make food decisions because I was torn between wanting to be strict and good to my body and just wanting to let go a little and enjoy vacation. All in all after tallying 5 1/2 days I did about 70% good with diet.

Why make this post all about food do you ask? Well, because I think my body’s reaction right now has a lot to do with autoimmune reaction to food and not much to do with days of walking and fatigue.