Has anyone else found that longs years of illness have left them out of touch with reality? I have been giving this a lot of thought as of late (but not for the first time over the years) how illness leads to isolation and isolation changes how you go about doing things and how you go about doing things changes how you think of things and how you think of things changes your perception…….
I am doing my best to articulate all this but I am not sure I am doing a very good job. I think there is a separation between the chronic illness sufferer and the rest of the world that creeps in over time. It is like a slow ebbing away that you do not notice until it is huge, and you wonder how you got so out of touch. I have observed that is why there are so many female Lyme bloggers, they are trying to reach out using their words. I also think that they are all articulate well spoken women who have learned to use their words to convey all their thoughts and emotions. (We all seem to be pretty open about what we are going through, thinking and feeling). I know I find that it is through writing that I express myself most easily… I know at least part of this is because when the brain fog comes I can pause and think (lol).
What has started scaring me is that everything always sounds right in my head…I know what I mean but I am frightened I no longer know how to “get it out” right. Does that make sense? I have a hard time feeling worthy of being around people and that I am viewed differently than all the “normal” people. So just when I have been feeling a bit better physically I just want to crawl back in my hole like a little ground hog and hide again. I know that fear isn’t right and feeling demoralized isn’t right…. I think part of this apprehension is just spiritually oppression to keep me bound in fear and away from people. That part I need to pray through. I am going to commit to fighting this feeling though and do a better job of reaching out. I know that feeling sick or not I could have done a much better job over the years of not letting myself disappear.
For those reading this on the My Color Is Lyme Facebook page (and those here on WordPress) could you help me out and let me know about your experiences with isolation and social fears and negativity? What about any backlash for sharing too much on your blogs?