Overwhelmed

Friends, during your illness have you/do you have periods of time where you are just plain stuck? I don’t mean the general autoimmune troubles that sort of never go away but instead ebb and flow. I mean have you had times where you maybe feel some positive changes for a period of time and then SPLAT! Hit a wall with your progress?
Sudden fatigue, toxic feeling, crazy cravings, mood swings, brain fog…….you know, all the good stuff.
I have been in this state for about 6 weeks or so now after having a couple months of an upswing. I honestly have no idea what happened. Environmental toxin? Hostile spirochete resurgence? Metabolic meltdown? Adrenal fatigue? Detox pathway traffic jam?
That is what I and my doctor are trying to figure out. I just had another (sigh) test and I will be going over the results with my doctor Monday November 11th. Hopefully it will provide some insights so I can get back to the top of that hill. Cuz’ although I was sick of climbing it before, reaching the top only to slide down part way covered in mud and bruises is a hard hit to take.
I am persevering, leaning on God, carrying on… What is strange is that I have had a lot of peace and joy (in between the emotional crying and desperation), so I know that God is teaching me. Boy oh boy will I be well taught by the time I’m well, just looking forward to that day. Will keep you posted
PS also had a weird case of vertigo today.

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A Shadow Of Me

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The past couple weeks have been really tough; after spending a couple months feeling like I had hit a huge milestone in my Lyme journey with more energy, I have again hit a wall.
So about 11 months into my Lyme treatment I was feeling a lot better, had a lot more energy, was actually living again. But for about the past 5 weeks or so I have been struggling horribly with fatigue. I have also had some worse swelling and food cravings. My doctor is not sure what is going on but she ( my natural doctor not my Lyme doctor) thinks something is again blocking my detox pathway and is causing me to slump. Now besides that my body has also been battling whatever viruses are going around, so I think my body is just overwhelmed, and sleeping 9-10 hours on weekends just isn’t enough. Right now I honestly feel like I need to sleep for about two months until I get past this. My doctor wants to run another test to see what is blocking my detox pathway, but of course I need to just survive until I get an answer.
I feel like I had a moment in the sun, and it was my first real light in many years. Now I have sort of stepped back into shadow, and feel like only a fraction of a whole person. I hate “survival mode”, hate it, hate it, hate it.
Okay enough with the tantrum. I know that even though I am struggling I am still better than I was months ago, so I am still grateful. Another thing is that God has been revealing so much to me within these last couple months I feel like my inner self wants to explode out of this weak body and just go in every direction at once. I am afflicted but not crushed, perplexed but not in despair. I am down in body and have momentary sadnesses, but I have had times of unspeakable joy that has never been matched by the good times I have had in healthier times of my life. Thank you Daddy. Better days to come

The Battle Rages On….Fatigue, Ice Cream and Viruses!

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I have had a really rough 4-6 weeks of fatigue and poor willpower…
Fatigue goes along with Lyme anyway, but besides that I think I have had a few nutritional deficiencies sneaking up on me, plus my immune system has been battling whatever viruses are going around, this all adds up to extra fatigue. So what that partially means for me is food cravings combined with weakened will power, that lead to diet cheats that make me feel worse, ugh!
So what happens in those terribly weak “I can’t carry on” moments is that I am tired, so I want to eat for energy, which usually doesn’t do me much good. Also I tell myself “darn it you deserve it!”, or “normal people can eat this stuff and you are getting better, so you have a right to!” or “I know I felt horrible when I ate that last time, but that was a while ago, maybe you are better now” or “I don’t care how I feel tomorrow I have a right to enjoy that right now!”. Many other conversations and excuses go on in my head. The problem is when I am of sound mind and not feeling weak and horrible I can combat food cravings with knowledge and logic, but when the brains is fuzzy and the body is tired that ice cream just seems so logical….

Today, right now this moment I am still battling ongoing fatigue and I feel a cold coming on with snifflies, chills and sore throat, and I want ice cream!!!

Now what I am asking from everyone reading this is to be my logical mind for me right now, because I have not been to Cold Stone Creamery in years, and they have this marshmallow ice cream right now….

But I am trying to reduce my inflammation, starve any candida, lose those last 20 pounds, not make myself sick for weeks after messing up…….but MARSHMALLOW ice cream! I don’t want to set myself up for failure and swell way up, and gain any weight, and (MARSHMALLOW ice cream!!!!).

Any of you deal with this tug of war????