Brick Walls, Speed Bumps, Painting & Needy Dogs

What do you title a mish mash post that’s kind of an overview of random life stuff with no real object in mind? The above of course.

It was a rough week with fatigue and not quite feeling like myself (disconnected from reality), and dealing with some intense pain and yuckiness that only some girls know about… I’m still stretched kind of thin as far as having to be less social 😦  

So It is Saturday night and it’s been rainy all day and well, not much has happened. I missed a friends get together last night because of “too tired” (which I think shall henceforth be known as “TT”.  I didn’t do anything active or productive today also because of TT. And my fear is that “it’s happening again”; all we chronic illness sufferers know what “it” is. It’s being in that slump (which I’m so sad to say some of us never leave) where you kind of crawl out of bed, sort of eat, maybe take a bath, try to get moving, find acceptance in the “blah”, take pills, miss pills, forget pills, don’t feel like taking pills…. Another day in the life.

So why I am afraid? Because I’ve been blessed enough that even though I haven’t been great lately, I’ve been creative; creative to the point it feels like I’m making up for the years of losing that part of my brain. It’s been a huge a blessing, and God has been giving me abilities I’ve never had and never thought I would have. Today however besides just being tired and in pain I hit a wall while painting something prophetic that had been on my heart. I got frustrated, grumpy and stressed out and couldn’t go further. So rather than sit alone in my room (where I’ve spent what seems to be half of my life) I felt like I’d rather get out, tired or not and lose myself in a movie. Thankfully the theatre is only two miles away and sitting on your bum watching a movie takes no energy. So for over two hours I watched Wolverine’s last stand…. 

I got home to the love of my life Shiloh who laid her head on my arm and looked into my eyes like I had abandoned her for a year. This dog loves me like I’m her sun and stars 🙂 

Now I’m in bed, just feeling headachy and still pondering the chest pain I’ve had for over a week, and hoping that maybe tomorrow I can knock down that brick wall with the power of a paintbrush, and that TT won’t show up tomorrow. 


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