Do you know what I hate more than the fatigue, more than the body pain, more than the fluid retention, more than just feeling icky all the time? I hate the feeling of being spacey, especially in social situations. That feeling of almost alternate reality, that you’re not quite there. What stinks the most is that sometimes you are very aware of it; that you’re slow to respond, that you mumble your words, that your answers don’t always match the question.
I also get really sensitive about what people must think. Do they wonder if I am being entitled? Being bitchy? Being unfriendly? Being antisocial? Being horribly shy? Being uninterested? Whatever is going on, I just hate that feeling of disconnect.
Do you know what I hate more than all of the above? It is that for several months I was doing a lot better. I had for the most part for some time been feeling a lot more normal with my cognitive symptoms. But just the last couple months I have been feeling a lot worse again and things are more difficult as far as thinking and communicating.
And the fatigue, the fatigue. I am sure this downturn is due to several reasons that I’ve mentioned in past blogs, and probably reasons I don’t understand currently. I am sure this is also going to be short-lived ( I hope). But for now all I want to do is to get back to that feeling of being able to laugh and talk and enjoy friends and not feel that sinking in my bones and muscles, and that fuzzy cotton weight in my brain
*image of Nemo just because 🙂