lyme_brain (information from underourskin.com)

Before proper long-term Lyme treatment on the left, and after proper treatment on the right. The left image reveals an oxygen starved brain. Interestingly enough when I was diagnosed with Bartonella in my brain and brain stem in July I was told I was not getting enough oxygen to my brain.

I am going to try my best and blog tonight through the fatigue of the aftermath of a 16 hour (so far) day. The last couple months have been really rough with worse fatigue, brain fog, body pain, water retention and other stuff…

I am pretty certain I have entered the ring of fire of die-off yet again since my last two treks to Idaho October 13th and December 1st, but things have greatly intensified since the 1st. My body pain and fatigue have been intense. On my last visit the doctor identified a co-infection in my bladder and blood and treated them both. Since coming back to Washington I had been feeling so poorly that I saw my doctor here to help support this round of herx. Besides just viral die-off she thinks there is some other stuff going on and she is running some blood word to check on things that my body is making antibodies to. In my visit with her I was too overwhelmed with the amount of information that she ran past me and I really can’t repeat even a quarter of the conversation… But basically among other things my body is very high in ammonia and having immune reactions to things it shouldn’t (including animal protein!) along with fighting the Lyme and co-infections.

I am aware that I am doing a poor job of explaining things right now and that’s ok, I am trusting my care to the docs who do know what they are talking about and who are not slurring through sleep-deprived, co-infection-brained, pea soup-like neurological firings.

The main purpose of my post today was inspired by a now good friend who told me that when she first met me she thought I didn’t like her. This took me aback because my initial impression of her was rather the opposite. Hearing this deeply saddened me because I am aware of how much my illness affects my personality and more specifically my “response time” to social situations or when anyone speaks to me. First let me quickly say that for the most part this has greatly improved since this summer and I have felt more like “me”. But that said there is something about this disease that puts up a little inner wall in your brain where you feel like you are not quite connecting and the logic of proper socialization is sort of lost.

I have also found sometimes upon reflection and much to my dismay that I have said or done things over the years have been incorrectly perceived (even though it made perfect sense to me at the time) or at times I have incorrectly perceived others. This is massively frustrating on every level and I HATE feeling shut off and vacant when I’m having a bad day and/or I am overly tired.

I am over it today but I have had a few days recently where I have felt a bit dirty and subhuman for coming off wrong….cold….stoic…..grumpy…..   😦

I still know that there will be better days coming again so I am hopeful and optimistic. As for my friend who told me about her perceived initial impression? Well she has two lymies in her life so she has come to understand this disease better and loves us both in spite of ourselves 🙂

Here are some good pages on neurological Lyme (keep in mind that Bartonella and other co-infections can also pass the blood-brain barrier):

This —>   http://www.tiredoflyme.com/lyme-disease-brain-fog-what-it-is-what-causes-it-and-how-to-help-reduce-it.html#.VJJTY3s1gYo

http://www.lymediseaseaction.org.uk/about-lyme/neurology-psychiatry/

http://www.igenex.com/psychological_effects.htm

http://lymedisease.org/news/touchedbylyme/jesse-colin-young.html

http://www.thehealingartspartnership.net/lyme-disease_symptoms.htm

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4 thoughts on “How Do You Apologize For Your Brain?

    • Hello! Yes my doctor is in Idaho. He is actually a LLDC, Dr Tony Smith in Coeur D’Alene. He is having amazing success with Lyme treatment (including coinfections). I saw an LLMD in Seattle for two years with only minimal successs but have made huge progress with Dr Smith. He is booked out for several months because people from all over the country are going to see him, i would recommend she look into it.

  1. Absolutely. My brain feels so….well, as if it doesn’t work properly and as if I have no control over it. It is so frustrating. And, in social situations, I am an absolute disaster..I just can’t process things fast enough…everything is overwhelming. I just need quiet and aloneness, almost all the time. Which, is tricky, because you need love and connection and support to heal. Ugh.

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