I must confess these last couple weeks of silence on my part has reflected another downturn with my health.
Since my last appointment on October 13th with Idaho Lyme doc I have been more fatigued, more swollen and just altogether down. It is really hard to describe how in some ways even “down” I am still doing better than pre-treatment. I feel like I have full use of my faculties (this is a big deal). Meaning that even when I am incredibly weary I am not slurring my words, I can access my mind without difficulty, that General fog is gone…
There is definitely a deep weariness that comes though as you (hopefully) reach the top of the hill. Those last crawls are somewhat harder just from the sheer length of the journey and I really get why some people on difficult quests sometimes give up when they are so close to the end.
I really think it is so much more than even physical and mental fatigue, there is something in your body that drives your will that is able to push past either of these, unless for whatever reason you have used it up.
How many have lost their mojo even in the light of hope?
Well don’t despair, I haven’t exactly given up hope…it is sort of illegal behavior in Christ, but boy am I am asking Him for a big reprieve from all the physical and mental burdens of life and one big bean bag chair in which to face plant for the next 4 months.
Ha! Don’t we wish.
I have also had some other stresses going on in my life which I can’t list all of them here, but one I can share is my dog Riley’s health.
So Riley is a Pomeranian and he fancies himself a great sled-dog of the north with all the “spitzyness” that comes along with it. He turned 8 a couple months ago but didn’t look or act like a dog over 3 years old. I say didn’t because my naughty pooch had two instances in two days involving chocolate and xylitol ( may I insert that this is a pattern of very self-destructive and expensive behavior over the last five years). That said he had the overnight ER stay, activated charcoal and all the rest. He seemed in some ways to be fine right after but over the following weeks has grown more listless and has not been himself. More recently he has taken to sleeping a lot and seems to have gone mostly blind.
He has had good standard and alternative veterinary care and he is on liver and internal organ support right now, but the “life” has left my little buddy. He acts like a dog that has had a stroke, which is possible. So for now I will just do all that I can for him.
Anyway, that is just another thing on top of the struggle to survive.
On an end note I have felt a bit better the last couple days as I near 3 weeks post-treatment. So I am sure this round of die off will also see it’s end.
That is me checking in for now. I am not losing hope but instead clinging to God. But someone please throw me a giant bean bag….