Couldn’t decide what to title this post, so I chose several.
I had a very unusual weekend (for me) in that I was busy Thursday night after a long day of work, busy all day Friday, and all day Saturday. These were commitments I very much wanted to do, but also was very worried about for several weeks not sure how my energy would hold up. I was excited to go to a conference that I registered for almost two months ago, and I knew it would be very spiritually uplifting. Also my Bible study was having a day retreat and I had never been on one before because, you know, tired…. So darn it I was going to have some fun!
So at the beginning of the week I kicked it off with a bunch of body pain/inflammation/increased fatigue, just, you know, because…. Halfway through Wednesday I actually hit a wall with my head buzzing, terrible fatigue, vertigo, basically “toxic” and tired on a crazy level. I had to go home and take a nap, which if you know me I really don’t nap. Thursday’s work day went a bit better although I still didn’t feel quite “present”.
Thursday night was the first session of the conference I was excited to go to, but I felt kind of detached sitting there and was having difficulty getting into the right state to receive what I was hearing. It was still good though but I didn’t get home until around 10:45pm and was super tired. I probably fell asleep 11:45’ish having to wake up the next morning at 7:00am. But did I wake up at 7 you ask? Well no I woke up at about 5:15 and couldn’t get back to sleep. Back to the conference at 9:00am for the first session of the day. It did end up being a great experience and was very uplifting but I did peter out and couldn’t last for the evening session. I went home and took…….another nap! When I woke up my body pain and swelling were so bad I didn’t know how I was going to make it through the next day. I did a 60 minute session in the infrared sauna and blessedly it reduced the pain by about 50%.
Got up early the next morning and felt a lot better and ended up having a good day trip to Whidbey Island. I am glad I did everything I did, because it is frustrating never doing anything!! I was really proud of myself how well I actually did on Saturday with energy and stamina.
But today…… I feel like I have used most of my backup battery and I am super tired, all that lovely body pain and extreme inflammation is back. I really just want to sleep for a week. I know that throwing off your body’s natural rhythms with eating and drinking and activity variations can hit you pretty hard when you are dealing with an auto immune disease, so I know that has some into play.
Right now I am trying to plan for being super careful with my diet this week and making sure I don’t skip my vitamin water. Also I think I need to stay disciplined and keep up with sauna sessions. Emotionally I am a mix right now; It is easy to feel down when you pay with so much suffering doing activities that all the “normal people” do. But I just came our of a conference that was all about shifting your perspective to that of Christ, and “there are no problems without and equal amount of grace and provision”. So, I’m hurtin’ but I am looking for an equal amount of promise and possibility.