A Shadow Of Me


The past couple weeks have been really tough; after spending a couple months feeling like I had hit a huge milestone in my Lyme journey with more energy, I have again hit a wall.
So about 11 months into my Lyme treatment I was feeling a lot better, had a lot more energy, was actually living again. But for about the past 5 weeks or so I have been struggling horribly with fatigue. I have also had some worse swelling and food cravings. My doctor is not sure what is going on but she ( my natural doctor not my Lyme doctor) thinks something is again blocking my detox pathway and is causing me to slump. Now besides that my body has also been battling whatever viruses are going around, so I think my body is just overwhelmed, and sleeping 9-10 hours on weekends just isn’t enough. Right now I honestly feel like I need to sleep for about two months until I get past this. My doctor wants to run another test to see what is blocking my detox pathway, but of course I need to just survive until I get an answer.
I feel like I had a moment in the sun, and it was my first real light in many years. Now I have sort of stepped back into shadow, and feel like only a fraction of a whole person. I hate “survival mode”, hate it, hate it, hate it.
Okay enough with the tantrum. I know that even though I am struggling I am still better than I was months ago, so I am still grateful. Another thing is that God has been revealing so much to me within these last couple months I feel like my inner self wants to explode out of this weak body and just go in every direction at once. I am afflicted but not crushed, perplexed but not in despair. I am down in body and have momentary sadnesses, but I have had times of unspeakable joy that has never been matched by the good times I have had in healthier times of my life. Thank you Daddy. Better days to come


One thought on “A Shadow Of Me

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s