Chronic Disease, Anti-socialism, and whatever happened to that girl named Jennifer?


I woke up with a screaming headache this morning, one of those headaches that is caused by inflammation and engulfs your entire skull, snakes down your neck, and throbs when you move and with every heart beat. Yesterday was a hard day because I hadn’t gotten enough sleep and had to caffeinate myself past the point of reason to get through the day.

I am having to adjust my eating habits again just slightly because candida is creeping back again after being off the amphotericin for about 6 weeks. Although I am sugar-free and fruit-free right now I have been allowing myself some honey every day along with stevia, but honey is going bye bye until this gets back under control, and amphotericin is back on the drug cocktail menu….

    I had an IM conversation for a short bit with a friend last night that I have not seen in a while, and it really struck me how long it had been since I had seen her. I am blessed to have loving caring friends that continue to stay in contact with me even though I have been MIA for so long. I really want this to change. It has been such a long time since I have had any spare energy to socialize outside of just doing my job. When I am working I am putting 100% into doing my best, not letting any pain or fatigue show, and trying not to let my health effect me. At the end of the day I am spent, I do not see friends, I do not go out to movies, I don’t do anything unless it it simply stopping at the grocery store. It is much the same on weekends. Weekends are about extra sleep, and resting my body and recuperating from the toll the week has taken on me, that plus any medical appointments.

     So right now I am thinking of my friends, and how life keeps happening somewhere out there while I feel like I am at a standstill. Should I push myself harder right now to be more social? Or would I find that I would crash and burn? I have a feeling that at least for right now I need to listen to my body when it needs to rest, and keep hoping that in the near future things will change.


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