An Emotional Journey: Original Post September 23rd 2012

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Have you ever found that God works the way you expect Him to? I certainly never have…
I have been musing over the last few months (as I have many times in the past) that I am just not where I expected to be at this point in my life. I can remember being 20 years old and asking God for a calling on my life, a heart like His, and an amazing marriage that would come about in a remarkable way so that all could see it was His doing. I have had a few time periods in my life where I have seen God moving, and that have been very spiritually rewarding and times of growth. But it seems that it has been a very long time in the valley for years now, and I have felt like I am caught in a rip tide, or that I am a plane in a holding pattern…stuck in one spot.
Now I am not saying that this valley has not had points of light, I have some great friends that I can call sisters, and I had a work environment with people I consider family, and a job I enjoyed. I did say “had”, because as of Thursday that is no longer the case…. I had recently started praying again over the last few weeks or so that God will heal my body, and lead me to the calling He has for me. My deepest heart’s desire has always been to convey His truths to others, and to help others grow.
In times like this when I pray and I am trembling inside with the fear of the unknown, God has been giving me the mental image of Peter on the water, being afraid when he did not focus on Jesus. With that image I can hear God in my mind literally tell me “Do not look at the water, the water is the world”. I know this to mean that the stormy water literally represents everything that is the world…material possessions, the opinion of others, job security, distractions… So really we have 2 options in life; we can look at the “water” be it calm or stormy, or we can look to Jesus.
These past few days have been very difficult, but I am finding the peace of letting go. I spoke to a dear friend last night for over an hour and a half, and she told me that I am going through a grieving process, and I need to move through the steps of loss; shock, sadness, anger, acceptance, etc. This does help me understand what I am feeling, and that I need to simply let go mentally and emotionally. I need to pity those who are dishonorable, cruel, liars and selfish. I cannot take guilt upon myself, or feel low self worth because of the character of others.
So, back to my first question; No, God definitely does not answer prayer in the way we expect, so I need to trust Him now, I know that He is placing His hands beneath my feet as I walk forward one step at a time, blindfolded in the dark.
As the next few days will determine my future I am praying that good things will come, and I will not look down at the raging sea…

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